Suicide for noobs.

Hi, im Sponge and this is my wee book of tips. So far if you dont understand its because your a ripe tit. A noob is a complete beginner. Still stuck? Well go read the dictionary.

Tip 1: Starvation -
This is the worst idea, is long, its paniful and a terrible way to die, unless that's the way you want to go in which case, good luck. But you'll fund yourself scrambling for the Jamaican Ginger Cake sooner or later and turn out to be a right woddling, old, fat and desperate man/woman.

Tip 2: Falling from a hieght -
First of all: OUCH! I mean, do you wantto appear in front of god with your eye hanging by your socket, and a few scratches? I didn't think so. So no.

Tip 3: Watching Cbeebies -
Yes people this is the guarenteed death certified as a universal. Though, do expect severe brain damage involving getting the Story Makers theme tune stuck in your head, memory loss (to make room for more theme tunes) and ofcource just utter boredom, enough to make you kill yourself. Congratualations, youve just booked a ticket of eternity with out CBeebies, lucky bastard but then again you have to keep the theme tunes.

Final tip: Reading this book -
You'll get bored from improving your english skills and think about when you went to school and got bullied by this guy nick-named Fred Flinstone. And feel depressed so there for: death.

Hope you enjoyed, all writen by your favourite: - Sponge