The Local Sponge August

This is our second "newspaper". Enjoy!

It has been recently proved that 5% of men admit to masturbate, (the other 95% are lying)

We did a survey which asked a hundred Star Trek fans what it was like to not have a girlfriend, this is what we got; a few responses were "whats a girl Friend, whats a girl and ewwwwwwwww.

Factoids

Sponge - Cockroaches can livefor 9 days after there head has been cut off.
Sponge - Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lightning than women.
Sponge - Tourists in Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is an insult
Sponge - A sneeze travel out your moth at around 100 mph.
Sponge - The Goldfish has the memory span of about 3 seconds.

psychics and mediums

now another thing that really pisses me of is psychics and mediums, is just so fake i mean one guy will stand up in front of an audience of a hundred thousand people and say i'm getting a name it begins with j. now come on if they were any good they would at-least give you a name and on the rare occasion they do tell you a name it is the most stupid thing like OK I'm getting a john. Never once has one of these guys turned around and said im getting Farquar, or i've got someones transsexual great uncle Sebastian never happens. and they don't even know who it's for i mean what is this so called spirit saying to them my name begins with j and I'm for somebody in this room now go make a prat of yourself.

finnaly Derick achora what a prick you seen most haunted that will change your mind about spirittulism they'll be walking about a torture chamber and he'll turn round with "im getting some negative energy like someone has been upset or possibly hurt here" im mean come on it's a torture chamber severel hundred peolple died so there probably is a negative energy you dick.

Peanuts

Firstly, one of my main pet hates is the fact that when you buy a packet of penuts on the back it says "may contain nuts" now i should bloody well hope so because i don't want to pay one pound twenty for an empty bag.

Secondly, they bring up the arguement that it is for people who can not read and have an alergy to nuts, now, I dont now how if you turn over to the back you will be able to read the alergy advice on the back.

Thirdly, aparantly it's for people with bad eye sight, now if you can't read writing thats an inch and a half big that says "NOBBY'S NUTS". How are you meant to be able to read the small print that says in half a milimeter big "may contain nuts" .

saying of the year awards

of all the award cerimones there are i think it's time to introduce the saying of the year awards.

catagories such as; most lame saying,
saying that makes no sense,

most pathetic,
the kind the hero would say at the end of every cheesy action film


and then a public vote of the saying everybody hates the most, the nominees would include sayings such as;

evry dog has its day (whats the fucks up with that! 90% of all dogs just shit on the streets every day!),

a watched pot never boils, (If that happens to you then i suggest you report to to your nearest specsavers, 2for1!! you blind old goat!)

cheaters never prosper, (yeah but always win and you don't go to a race to try to improve do you)


SPONGE AND RUBBER DUCK

.................................Ghost Town

Are we blogging to ourselves here?!?!?!............. no, then please leave your comments, good or bad we don't care! Let us know what you think and if you think we should change anything abourt the blog.

Thanks for listening!

notices

firstly the video is gunna take a while longer than expected due to technicall difficulties mainly we have no idea what were doing,

in all seriousness though never mind the fact we hate the olympics please cheer on team GB, and bring on the the world ironing championships in October wich is nearly as intresting as the olmpics

GO TEAM GB!

beijing 2008

once again the time has come for the olympix isn't that greaT....


ARE YOU KIDDING THE OLYMPICS IS PROBABLY THE MOST STUPID PROGRAM GOING THE REASON ITS ONLY ON EVERY FOUR YEARS is because if it was on every year there would be riots in the streets

Also, who wants to watch some so called "fit people" run around in a circle? not me and rubber duck, thats for sure.

futhermore some of the events are getting ridiculous i mean they have the same old pish lilke running and gymnastics every year but get this! they've now added the male 20k walk, this event takes up 4 hours of your life! to top this of its on at 2 'o clock in the morning why would you get up purposly at 2 in the morning to watch,
or you know that thing when you cannae sleep and you turn on the telly just say you were awake as this evnt was starting why would you keep it on WHY!

I mean you know what the real olympics is??!! top gear! most prbably one of the best shows of all the time, now thats sport! cars

a joint effort brought from me and him-sponge and rubber duck