Rubber Duck and I have been reunited in the same country once again. This means more blogging! We'll be able to write together now and no more 55 minute calls! So get ready to read some more as we will have allot more posts around early August.
Just keepig you informed - Sponge
Saturday 26 July 2008
Coming Soon...
Rubber Duck and I have come up with an idea to make a tribute video for ourselves. I will be making it and it should be ready in 2-3 weeks as its fucking hard!
Just thought you'd like to know - Sponge
Just thought you'd like to know - Sponge
Thursday 24 July 2008
horoscopes
here's a full account of what i think on horoscopes , enjoy
firstly horoscopes what the hell does that actually mean
horoscope look in the dictionary its not there the name is a load of shite well so is the content wouldnae wanna change the whole theme would you,
now how can any one belive in horoscopes how can someone actually
belive that if mars crosses the path of jupiter every one born in febuary will come into money where does this money come from does it fall from the sky saying that if you check the next one every born in may will drop a fiver,
firstly horoscopes what the hell does that actually mean
horoscope look in the dictionary its not there the name is a load of shite well so is the content wouldnae wanna change the whole theme would you,
now how can any one belive in horoscopes how can someone actually
belive that if mars crosses the path of jupiter every one born in febuary will come into money where does this money come from does it fall from the sky saying that if you check the next one every born in may will drop a fiver,
Local sponge august
coming soon your favourite paper unfortunetly there has been a technicall difficultly
Monday 21 July 2008
Suicide for noobs.
Hi, im Sponge and this is my wee book of tips. So far if you dont understand its because your a ripe tit. A noob is a complete beginner. Still stuck? Well go read the dictionary.
Tip 1: Starvation -
This is the worst idea, is long, its paniful and a terrible way to die, unless that's the way you want to go in which case, good luck. But you'll fund yourself scrambling for the Jamaican Ginger Cake sooner or later and turn out to be a right woddling, old, fat and desperate man/woman.
Tip 2: Falling from a hieght -
First of all: OUCH! I mean, do you wantto appear in front of god with your eye hanging by your socket, and a few scratches? I didn't think so. So no.
Tip 3: Watching Cbeebies -
Yes people this is the guarenteed death certified as a universal. Though, do expect severe brain damage involving getting the Story Makers theme tune stuck in your head, memory loss (to make room for more theme tunes) and ofcource just utter boredom, enough to make you kill yourself. Congratualations, youve just booked a ticket of eternity with out CBeebies, lucky bastard but then again you have to keep the theme tunes.
Final tip: Reading this book -
You'll get bored from improving your english skills and think about when you went to school and got bullied by this guy nick-named Fred Flinstone. And feel depressed so there for: death.
Hope you enjoyed, all writen by your favourite: - Sponge
Tip 1: Starvation -
This is the worst idea, is long, its paniful and a terrible way to die, unless that's the way you want to go in which case, good luck. But you'll fund yourself scrambling for the Jamaican Ginger Cake sooner or later and turn out to be a right woddling, old, fat and desperate man/woman.
Tip 2: Falling from a hieght -
First of all: OUCH! I mean, do you wantto appear in front of god with your eye hanging by your socket, and a few scratches? I didn't think so. So no.
Tip 3: Watching Cbeebies -
Yes people this is the guarenteed death certified as a universal. Though, do expect severe brain damage involving getting the Story Makers theme tune stuck in your head, memory loss (to make room for more theme tunes) and ofcource just utter boredom, enough to make you kill yourself. Congratualations, youve just booked a ticket of eternity with out CBeebies, lucky bastard but then again you have to keep the theme tunes.
Final tip: Reading this book -
You'll get bored from improving your english skills and think about when you went to school and got bullied by this guy nick-named Fred Flinstone. And feel depressed so there for: death.
Hope you enjoyed, all writen by your favourite: - Sponge
Sunday 20 July 2008
detective inspector
As you guessed from the title this is something new. This is my latest and in my opinon best sketch that i have wrote. I don't like to write a lot of sketches, i tend to leave that to Sponge but this is my attempt of a sketch. To set the scene its a conversation between a police constable and a detective inspector, at a police station.
Detective Inspector: Hows the mission for the hostages going?
Police Constable: Not so well.
Detective Inspector: Time to send in Pig Squadron 2?
Police Constable: That might not be such a good idea sir.
Detective Inspector: Are you mad?! Pig Squadron 2 did amazingly well
Police Constable: Sir, you sent them on a 2 hour mission twelve hours ago!
Detective Inspector: True, they probably went for a celebratory drink.
Police Constable: I didn't want to have to show you this.
Detective Inspector: Show me what?!
Police Constable: A note from the captors saying thanks for the bacon.
Detective Inspector: Oh no!
Police Constable: I'm sorry sir.
Detective Inspector: I' ve been so stupid. ( long pause) I should have sent the delta sheep
Police Constable: i think it would be best if you laid of the animals sir.
Detective Inspector: What?! We've got a squadron of sniffer dogs, why can't we have cats in the riot squad?!
Police Constable: just not very practicall is it?
Detective Inspector: practical?! You're talking to me about practical?!
Police Constable: Sir, me and a couple of other lads have decided that you should move on.
Detective Inspector: You want me to resign?!
Police Constable: Maybe you should reconsider jobs sir.
Detective Inspector: You know, I dont get this hasstle from Cow Brigade 3
Police Constable: Sir they're dead.
Detective Inspector: Everywhere i look death
Police Constable: Maybe you should leave the force and work on a farm or something?
Detective Inspector: Are you kidding?! Farms are full of bloody animals!
I hope you enjoyed. Catch you later - rubber duck
Detective Inspector: Hows the mission for the hostages going?
Police Constable: Not so well.
Detective Inspector: Time to send in Pig Squadron 2?
Police Constable: That might not be such a good idea sir.
Detective Inspector: Are you mad?! Pig Squadron 2 did amazingly well
Police Constable: Sir, you sent them on a 2 hour mission twelve hours ago!
Detective Inspector: True, they probably went for a celebratory drink.
Police Constable: I didn't want to have to show you this.
Detective Inspector: Show me what?!
Police Constable: A note from the captors saying thanks for the bacon.
Detective Inspector: Oh no!
Police Constable: I'm sorry sir.
Detective Inspector: I' ve been so stupid. ( long pause) I should have sent the delta sheep
Police Constable: i think it would be best if you laid of the animals sir.
Detective Inspector: What?! We've got a squadron of sniffer dogs, why can't we have cats in the riot squad?!
Police Constable: just not very practicall is it?
Detective Inspector: practical?! You're talking to me about practical?!
Police Constable: Sir, me and a couple of other lads have decided that you should move on.
Detective Inspector: You want me to resign?!
Police Constable: Maybe you should reconsider jobs sir.
Detective Inspector: You know, I dont get this hasstle from Cow Brigade 3
Police Constable: Sir they're dead.
Detective Inspector: Everywhere i look death
Police Constable: Maybe you should leave the force and work on a farm or something?
Detective Inspector: Are you kidding?! Farms are full of bloody animals!
I hope you enjoyed. Catch you later - rubber duck
The Local Sponge july edition
Welcome and your reading the first edition of The Local Sponge News. This is paper to end all papers, you'll never want to read a real newspaper again. This paper killed the pope from over-excitement.
Enjoy!
SANTA, REALLY?
Enjoy!
BIG BEN GETS SCREWED
Big Ben did not chime this morning as the man who runs it forgot his watch.
Big Ben did not chime this morning as the man who runs it forgot his watch.
Today...
SANTA, REALLY?
In other news yestrday at 7pm ITV1 broadcasted a programme called "Santa, Really?". This programme posed the question "Was Santa Real?" and that it was time for children to grow up. I myself am utterly outraged and as usual ITV are talking pish further more many children are now depressed, many refuse to get out of bed and others have been reported to slit there wrists with stickle-bricks. Signs of depression involve toddlers trying to cook patrs of there body in there easy-cook ovens, My very own cousin now can't even bear to watch CBeebies, Rubber Duck and I were amazed at this but she just can't even see the point in this. In reaction to the Programme "Santa, Really?" We will be broadcasting our own programme "Trevor McDonald, Really?"
A joint effort by - Rubber duck and Sponge
A joint effort by - Rubber duck and Sponge
The Poofy Bouncer
Setting: (John and Muscles are in the door way of a nightclub, standing next to the queue).
John: JESUS! You’re massive! Are you almost seven foot!?
Muscles: Aye, they call me Muscles Magroh. Im here to show you the ropes of being a bouncer!
Round here I own this joint! And I say who gets in and who dusney!
(Turns to line)
Right, YOU, YOU’RE NAW GETTING IN HERE WEh THAT HAT!
“Man with hat”: BUT… I’M NAW WEARING A HAT!
Muscles: Don’t give me that bollix! (“Man with hat legs it”).
Right you go John!
John: Excuse me please leave……………I don’t like your…..shoe laces.
Muscles: NAW SON! You’ve got to be firm! Try on me!
John: Right get out of here you! Weh your bad breath and your stupid moustache! A dog woodny look at you twice!
Muscles: Right, get out of here! You’re taking too far! I’m gonna rip off your head and shit down your neck!
(Muscles phone starts ringing with Abba - Dancing Queen)
(High pitched voice )
OH HI MUMSY!
(They have a big poofy chat for about 5 mins and hangs up)
John: WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! MUMSY!!!
- Sponge
John: JESUS! You’re massive! Are you almost seven foot!?
Muscles: Aye, they call me Muscles Magroh. Im here to show you the ropes of being a bouncer!
Round here I own this joint! And I say who gets in and who dusney!
(Turns to line)
Right, YOU, YOU’RE NAW GETTING IN HERE WEh THAT HAT!
“Man with hat”: BUT… I’M NAW WEARING A HAT!
Muscles: Don’t give me that bollix! (“Man with hat legs it”).
Right you go John!
John: Excuse me please leave……………I don’t like your…..shoe laces.
Muscles: NAW SON! You’ve got to be firm! Try on me!
John: Right get out of here you! Weh your bad breath and your stupid moustache! A dog woodny look at you twice!
Muscles: Right, get out of here! You’re taking too far! I’m gonna rip off your head and shit down your neck!
(Muscles phone starts ringing with Abba - Dancing Queen)
(High pitched voice )
OH HI MUMSY!
(They have a big poofy chat for about 5 mins and hangs up)
John: WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! MUMSY!!!
- Sponge
the lessons of life
Hey its your old friend rubber duck and I've come to teach you some lessons. In life firstly altough getting drunk is fun, its not good for your health I know your deeply shocked but the morning after is not always wonderful either so be cautious. A good rule to go by and another extremly important life lesson is hitchikers. Before you pick up a hitchiker think what is a guy in his mid 40's doing walking down the side of the motorway going for a stroll i think not, and sure they just need a lift don't go blaming me thats all im saying thanks for paying attention and reading this.
- Catch you later rubber duck
- Catch you later rubber duck
Welcome To The Local Sponge
Welcome to the Local Sponge. This is the blog page written by your friends Sponge and Rubber Duck. We have been trying to make a Sketch Show for a while but have had problems advertising. Then we stumbled across Blogger.com. On this page we will be displaying some of our sketch's and our opinions of the world today. We hope you enjoy and if not then you knowwhere you can stick it. We will take any complaints at www.goscrewyourself.com.
- Sponge & Rubber Duck
- Sponge & Rubber Duck
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